Being Social. Eating noodles.

Are humans social beings by nature?

That was a question posed to us during a recent lecture in my Political Theory class. We then broke into groups and discussed it amongst ourselves. I can’t remember what author we were reading at the time, perhaps Aristole, but I remember every point we made in the discussion.

We talked about isolation as a form of torture and punishment, joining clubs, even socializing our pets is supposed to make the world better. What is it with the humans need to socialize?

See, being “social” is something that I have been contemplating recently. I have been feeling guilty lately because I feel like I haven’t spent enough time with people. You know actually having a conversation with someone outside the classroom, someone besides my roommate and my best friends in Oregon. I feel disconnected from Seattle. It is sad that I am feeling this way. Sadder yet that I don’t really care. I know eventually something will come along to change that. That I will someday for a connection that makes me feel better.

I have been praying on it, something I haven’t done in a long time. I have prayed that I will figure out what I need to do in life. If there is something more for me out there. Who I need in my life and where I need to be.

Sometimes I am able to recognize that these are daunting questions, that will not likely be answered in the near future, but it still feels good to put them out there and get them off my chest.

Being social is hard when it is cold and all you want to do is crawl into your warm bed and read a book or watch a tv show. (By the way, I finished True Blood recently and let’s just say I am so happy to be done with that shit. Until June…)

I just realized that this entry seems like a whiny piece about being alone. But I am not trying to sound whiny, I am just trying, in a round about way to say that I have finally come to terms with the fact that while being an introvert can be safe it is also necessary to jump into a group of people and get out of your shell. This is harder for me to do than most who have met me would think. Especially here in Seattle, where I can never seem to find "my people."

But I am still looking.

Off to the grocery store so that I don’t have to eat Top Raman for dinner. Again.

Unbalanced and older.

Late last night, long after my roommate had gotten back from a party and the neighborhood had fallen asleep I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, watching the shadows dance. Wondering what this year would bring, how it would be different from all those before it.

Last night I turned 21.

Milestones like this make my life seem unbalanced. Libras like balance. I mean change can be a good thing for those who are unhappy but what about us that were happy and then change came along and fucked it up? I was happy in France. Happier than I have ever been. I actually felt like I was living. Not simply going through the motions. Wake up, walk to class, sit and stare, go to work, type something, go home, watch tv, eat dinner, study, fall asleep.

Rinse, repeat. This mundane existence isn’t living, is it?

So this morning I decided somewhere between taking my first sip of coffee and walking out the door, that this year would be different. I am going to challenge dare myself to find something more. To find the happiness I seek. This is going to be a different birthday.

That being said, Birthdays are weird. Everyone wishes you Happy Birthday, and the older you get the more you realize that you are just getting older. They are wishing you older.

Older.

More things are worrying me now, like bills and classes and jobs and graduation. I am being fully embraced by this thing they call the Real World. I am no longer that young, doe-eyed traveler, who likes to paint and write. I am now responsible for my actions.

Tonight I am going out with people I have gotten to know over the last two years and are proud to call friends. I am excited to order my first Legal drink (in the US at least). I have been thinking this over (or over-thinking which ever you choose), because it is not a small decision. Mohitos, Tequila Sunrises, Cosmos, Mimosas… All the colors of the liquor rainbow are running through my brain.

I am looking forward to a night of casual drinks with friends, nothing serious to talk about, only jokes and stories to share. That is all I want from tonight.

That being said, I do like presents. And the best present I got for my birthday (besides the new boots from my parents) is my best friend telling me that she is going to be coming up this weekend to celebrate with me. This piece of news thrills me more than you could ever know. She hasn’t been to Seattle to visit me before and this will be the perfect opportunity.

We will hit the town like nobody’s business so ladies lock up your brothers, and hide the booze, we are 21.

Real Life

Cher mes amies/Dear friends,

I am back! By back I don’t mean once again in Europe. Unfortunately. I mean I am back to Seattle for my Junior year of College (?!) and back to blogging. I decided that when I got back to the states I was going to give myself a break from blogging and see if I wanted to continue doing it when I returned to Seattle. And this summer when I found myself drinking too much Diet Coke and watching too many stupid shows with my best friends, missing blogging. It is an outlet for my writing, which I haven’t been doing a lot of this past summer to tell you the truth.

It was a weird summer for me, spent sleeping on the couch at my parents house while I looked for an apartment in the city. I also worked construction which was… Interesting? Sure a Diet coke addiction (I jest) and construction is not as interesting as traveling on a camel through the Sahara or watching the Eiffel Tower sparkle, but it is Real Life. And Real Life is not always sparkly towers and Condolas in Venice. Sometimes Real Life knocks you on your ass. Sometime Real Life is an exhausting apartment search then paying too much in Rent because you in the big city. And for a college student sometimes Real Life is papers, and lectures and finals. So welcome my dear friends, welcome to my Real Life.

Here’s a semi-short lowdown on my life thus far:

-          This summer was spent searching for apartments in Seattle with my Roommate. She is a doll. She talks way too much and eats junk food. We are basically twins. She is also a Senior this year so I might be sad in June when I realize that she will be leaving me behind to go and do great things. I might also be happy because then I won’t have to share our tiny bathroom.

-          As for my summer job… this summer my parents needed my help in their small construction business. And me being me signed on without knowing what I was getting myself into. As I was knee deep in Concrete I started to question my sanity. But I got to spend a lot of time with my family. So much family time.

-          Now working a job where you have to get up at 4:45 in the morning and when you get home at 4pm and all you want to do is die, kind of wrecks havoc on a social life. I did get a nice farmers’ tan though.

-          Basically all I did this summer is lay around on my couch-bed and watch TV with my girl Natalie. And if you thought I was kidding about the Diet Coke addiction think again. So I think what I am saying is that I need to whip my ass into shape. No more brownies, cut back on the crack in a can, and get myself to the gym. But I have set some goals for myself and I’ll be damned if I won’t reach it.

This is going to be an interesting year. Stay tuned for ranting, raving, and the semi-boring life of a girl who is about to turn 21. It’ll be good.

Bisous,

JEN