Being Social. Eating noodles.

Are humans social beings by nature?

That was a question posed to us during a recent lecture in my Political Theory class. We then broke into groups and discussed it amongst ourselves. I can’t remember what author we were reading at the time, perhaps Aristole, but I remember every point we made in the discussion.

We talked about isolation as a form of torture and punishment, joining clubs, even socializing our pets is supposed to make the world better. What is it with the humans need to socialize?

See, being “social” is something that I have been contemplating recently. I have been feeling guilty lately because I feel like I haven’t spent enough time with people. You know actually having a conversation with someone outside the classroom, someone besides my roommate and my best friends in Oregon. I feel disconnected from Seattle. It is sad that I am feeling this way. Sadder yet that I don’t really care. I know eventually something will come along to change that. That I will someday for a connection that makes me feel better.

I have been praying on it, something I haven’t done in a long time. I have prayed that I will figure out what I need to do in life. If there is something more for me out there. Who I need in my life and where I need to be.

Sometimes I am able to recognize that these are daunting questions, that will not likely be answered in the near future, but it still feels good to put them out there and get them off my chest.

Being social is hard when it is cold and all you want to do is crawl into your warm bed and read a book or watch a tv show. (By the way, I finished True Blood recently and let’s just say I am so happy to be done with that shit. Until June…)

I just realized that this entry seems like a whiny piece about being alone. But I am not trying to sound whiny, I am just trying, in a round about way to say that I have finally come to terms with the fact that while being an introvert can be safe it is also necessary to jump into a group of people and get out of your shell. This is harder for me to do than most who have met me would think. Especially here in Seattle, where I can never seem to find "my people."

But I am still looking.

Off to the grocery store so that I don’t have to eat Top Raman for dinner. Again.

Chatting and birthday plans.

 I have been in such turmoil about my birthday. I don’t know what it is but I have never liked my birthdays. I love planning and celebrating others birthdays but when it come to my own I just feel confused. I get so nervous. Especially if there is a chance that my waiter is going to sing to me.

It is weird knowing that you are not going to be around your family for your birthday. Especially when I have been with them for the last 20 years on birthdays. But this year I turn 21. I will be celebrating it in my new place, with my friends. This year I will become an adult.

I am both nervous and excited about turning 21. I know that it is just another birthday, marking the day I get older, but I feel like this birthday is more of a milestone than those before. All these new things will be open to me. And I don’t just mean bars and clubs. I mean that now if feels like I have crossed the line dividing youth and adulthood. What does being an “adult” constitute? Do I know need to stop watching Glee and start a 401k?

But Tuesday should be fun. I am going out to a local bar with a group of friends for some happy hour drinks. And I will be buying my own bottle of French wine to take home. It will be a fun night I think.

Today was a good day of speaking to the new students who are going to Grenoble this year. I am so excited for them. They are about to have a good time, and I wish I were able to join them. But it was nice to relieve some of the special memories with Bradley and see the students sigh in relief.

I need to go and vacuum/do the dishes because Natalie is coming to visit me!! She is coming to go to a concert with our friend but she is going to spend the night and we will watch movies and eat brownies before I leave tomorrow to celebrate my brother’s accomplishment of becoming an Eagle Scout.

Here's to the freakin' weekend! I'll toast to that!

Love List // September

Fall . Crisp weather . Soft scarves . A warm bed . Hardwood floors . Caffeine . Black coffee, one sugar . Plaid shirts . Black pants . Sun on my face . Men with kind eyes . Books about travel . Yellow leaves . Running . Shoes on a treadmill . Sweat . Sitcoms . Pasta . Roommates . My Oak table . Yellow placemats . Sleepytime tea . Church bells . Ed Sheeran . Ella Fitzgerald . Long talks with old friends . Big hugs from new friends . Yearning for France . The Language . The food . The culture . The promise of a future . Carving out a path . My own little promise of tomorrow . Envisioning a life for myself, beyond what I have known . A life of law, of travel, of love .

And they're off!

Today was the first day of my classes.

I had one whole class today.

Which started at 10:55. I’m not bragging. Really.

Before class I woke up early and made a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and cheese and poured myself some fresh coffee. Made with my sweet little French press. I sat at my sturdy oak table and looked out the windows, trying to spy on my neighbors. It was therapeutic taking the time to sit down for breakfast.

I got ready, spending too much time on my eye liner. The right eye was just not cooperating with me. That’s what you get when you are partially blind and try to put on eyeliner I guess.

Then I walked to school. Early. Like a kindergartener.

I sat next the Reflection Pond and read a few pages in my new book. When I looked up I saw my friend Annie who came over and said hello. Then we ran into Bradley and Taylor. It was great seeing them. Going into a new class I felt like I could take on the world because I had people like them to call friends.  

My one and only class today was intro to Political Theory. It was so weird listening to a professor lecture in English. Since I understood the words I found myself drifting. Not a good thing to have a professor who also can be derailed with the mention of Coltrane.

I think it will be a good year if the rest of my classes go this smoothly. I just need to reorient myself with the English language. But I also need to go to the French conversation group on Tuesdays. It’s a teeter-totter, my life. Such is the life of a Libra.

Why is it so damn hot?

 

Tomorrow I start my Junior year of college.

Holy Shit.

When did I get this old?

But I really feel like this is the year. The year when I stop taking required classes and finally start carving out the path I hope to take. That sounds fun... Especially when that path has three classes based on Politics. What can I say? I think politics are both disgusting and intriguing. 

That was my thought today while I was in a hot office, elbow-deep in files. I cleaned and organized the office. It looked so good when I was finished that I think it actually shined. It could have also been the glare from my sweaty forehead. Where is the cool, crisp weather we are supposed to have for the start of classes? I bought a new (if slightly expensive) scarf that I would like to wear soon, but this weather is not cooperating. 

After work I walked out into the blazing sun, sweating like a pig, and saw my dear pal Bradley. I was so excited to see him that I ran over and interrupted the conversation he was having (oops.) and gave him the biggest hug. And I will say this about the man. He gives great hugs. Bone-crushing, feel-the-love-hugs. I felt giddy just from seeing him.

He asked me to hang around while he said goodbye to his friend. So I did. Because it's Bradley. And then he asked me to walk him to the bookstore. And I did. Because it's Bradley. We caught up a little, asking the other what they were up to and promised to go and see Irish music at Kell's when I turn 21 (in 3 weeks. When did I get so old?). And although we were together for maybe a total of eight minutes, I left feeling happy. Because it's Bradley.

Tomorrow is the first day of my third year of college. oh boy.

I need to shower and pick out a "first day of school" outfit. I have been in school for 15+ years and I still get nervous on the first day of school. Will the teachers/professors be mean? Will the Freshman eat me? What will I have for lunch? What if they call on me and I don't know the answer?

In all my years of going to school I don't think I will ever actually look forward to the first day.

Real Life

Cher mes amies/Dear friends,

I am back! By back I don’t mean once again in Europe. Unfortunately. I mean I am back to Seattle for my Junior year of College (?!) and back to blogging. I decided that when I got back to the states I was going to give myself a break from blogging and see if I wanted to continue doing it when I returned to Seattle. And this summer when I found myself drinking too much Diet Coke and watching too many stupid shows with my best friends, missing blogging. It is an outlet for my writing, which I haven’t been doing a lot of this past summer to tell you the truth.

It was a weird summer for me, spent sleeping on the couch at my parents house while I looked for an apartment in the city. I also worked construction which was… Interesting? Sure a Diet coke addiction (I jest) and construction is not as interesting as traveling on a camel through the Sahara or watching the Eiffel Tower sparkle, but it is Real Life. And Real Life is not always sparkly towers and Condolas in Venice. Sometimes Real Life knocks you on your ass. Sometime Real Life is an exhausting apartment search then paying too much in Rent because you in the big city. And for a college student sometimes Real Life is papers, and lectures and finals. So welcome my dear friends, welcome to my Real Life.

Here’s a semi-short lowdown on my life thus far:

-          This summer was spent searching for apartments in Seattle with my Roommate. She is a doll. She talks way too much and eats junk food. We are basically twins. She is also a Senior this year so I might be sad in June when I realize that she will be leaving me behind to go and do great things. I might also be happy because then I won’t have to share our tiny bathroom.

-          As for my summer job… this summer my parents needed my help in their small construction business. And me being me signed on without knowing what I was getting myself into. As I was knee deep in Concrete I started to question my sanity. But I got to spend a lot of time with my family. So much family time.

-          Now working a job where you have to get up at 4:45 in the morning and when you get home at 4pm and all you want to do is die, kind of wrecks havoc on a social life. I did get a nice farmers’ tan though.

-          Basically all I did this summer is lay around on my couch-bed and watch TV with my girl Natalie. And if you thought I was kidding about the Diet Coke addiction think again. So I think what I am saying is that I need to whip my ass into shape. No more brownies, cut back on the crack in a can, and get myself to the gym. But I have set some goals for myself and I’ll be damned if I won’t reach it.

This is going to be an interesting year. Stay tuned for ranting, raving, and the semi-boring life of a girl who is about to turn 21. It’ll be good.

Bisous,

JEN

   

Ce week-end avec ma mère.

This weekend it was cold here in Seattle. The wind whipped at our noses and we bundled in scarves and thick coats. We drank lots of tea and took pictures of food. We shopped too much and I bought two sweaters. We wandered along the markets and stayed up late watching "Friends". It was beautiful.


side note: I leave to get my Student Visa on Thursday! Wish me luck!