Being Social. Eating noodles.

Are humans social beings by nature?

That was a question posed to us during a recent lecture in my Political Theory class. We then broke into groups and discussed it amongst ourselves. I can’t remember what author we were reading at the time, perhaps Aristole, but I remember every point we made in the discussion.

We talked about isolation as a form of torture and punishment, joining clubs, even socializing our pets is supposed to make the world better. What is it with the humans need to socialize?

See, being “social” is something that I have been contemplating recently. I have been feeling guilty lately because I feel like I haven’t spent enough time with people. You know actually having a conversation with someone outside the classroom, someone besides my roommate and my best friends in Oregon. I feel disconnected from Seattle. It is sad that I am feeling this way. Sadder yet that I don’t really care. I know eventually something will come along to change that. That I will someday for a connection that makes me feel better.

I have been praying on it, something I haven’t done in a long time. I have prayed that I will figure out what I need to do in life. If there is something more for me out there. Who I need in my life and where I need to be.

Sometimes I am able to recognize that these are daunting questions, that will not likely be answered in the near future, but it still feels good to put them out there and get them off my chest.

Being social is hard when it is cold and all you want to do is crawl into your warm bed and read a book or watch a tv show. (By the way, I finished True Blood recently and let’s just say I am so happy to be done with that shit. Until June…)

I just realized that this entry seems like a whiny piece about being alone. But I am not trying to sound whiny, I am just trying, in a round about way to say that I have finally come to terms with the fact that while being an introvert can be safe it is also necessary to jump into a group of people and get out of your shell. This is harder for me to do than most who have met me would think. Especially here in Seattle, where I can never seem to find "my people."

But I am still looking.

Off to the grocery store so that I don’t have to eat Top Raman for dinner. Again.

Unbalanced and older.

Late last night, long after my roommate had gotten back from a party and the neighborhood had fallen asleep I lay in bed, staring up at the ceiling, watching the shadows dance. Wondering what this year would bring, how it would be different from all those before it.

Last night I turned 21.

Milestones like this make my life seem unbalanced. Libras like balance. I mean change can be a good thing for those who are unhappy but what about us that were happy and then change came along and fucked it up? I was happy in France. Happier than I have ever been. I actually felt like I was living. Not simply going through the motions. Wake up, walk to class, sit and stare, go to work, type something, go home, watch tv, eat dinner, study, fall asleep.

Rinse, repeat. This mundane existence isn’t living, is it?

So this morning I decided somewhere between taking my first sip of coffee and walking out the door, that this year would be different. I am going to challenge dare myself to find something more. To find the happiness I seek. This is going to be a different birthday.

That being said, Birthdays are weird. Everyone wishes you Happy Birthday, and the older you get the more you realize that you are just getting older. They are wishing you older.

Older.

More things are worrying me now, like bills and classes and jobs and graduation. I am being fully embraced by this thing they call the Real World. I am no longer that young, doe-eyed traveler, who likes to paint and write. I am now responsible for my actions.

Tonight I am going out with people I have gotten to know over the last two years and are proud to call friends. I am excited to order my first Legal drink (in the US at least). I have been thinking this over (or over-thinking which ever you choose), because it is not a small decision. Mohitos, Tequila Sunrises, Cosmos, Mimosas… All the colors of the liquor rainbow are running through my brain.

I am looking forward to a night of casual drinks with friends, nothing serious to talk about, only jokes and stories to share. That is all I want from tonight.

That being said, I do like presents. And the best present I got for my birthday (besides the new boots from my parents) is my best friend telling me that she is going to be coming up this weekend to celebrate with me. This piece of news thrills me more than you could ever know. She hasn’t been to Seattle to visit me before and this will be the perfect opportunity.

We will hit the town like nobody’s business so ladies lock up your brothers, and hide the booze, we are 21.

Love List // September

Fall . Crisp weather . Soft scarves . A warm bed . Hardwood floors . Caffeine . Black coffee, one sugar . Plaid shirts . Black pants . Sun on my face . Men with kind eyes . Books about travel . Yellow leaves . Running . Shoes on a treadmill . Sweat . Sitcoms . Pasta . Roommates . My Oak table . Yellow placemats . Sleepytime tea . Church bells . Ed Sheeran . Ella Fitzgerald . Long talks with old friends . Big hugs from new friends . Yearning for France . The Language . The food . The culture . The promise of a future . Carving out a path . My own little promise of tomorrow . Envisioning a life for myself, beyond what I have known . A life of law, of travel, of love .

And they're off!

Today was the first day of my classes.

I had one whole class today.

Which started at 10:55. I’m not bragging. Really.

Before class I woke up early and made a nice breakfast of scrambled eggs and cheese and poured myself some fresh coffee. Made with my sweet little French press. I sat at my sturdy oak table and looked out the windows, trying to spy on my neighbors. It was therapeutic taking the time to sit down for breakfast.

I got ready, spending too much time on my eye liner. The right eye was just not cooperating with me. That’s what you get when you are partially blind and try to put on eyeliner I guess.

Then I walked to school. Early. Like a kindergartener.

I sat next the Reflection Pond and read a few pages in my new book. When I looked up I saw my friend Annie who came over and said hello. Then we ran into Bradley and Taylor. It was great seeing them. Going into a new class I felt like I could take on the world because I had people like them to call friends.  

My one and only class today was intro to Political Theory. It was so weird listening to a professor lecture in English. Since I understood the words I found myself drifting. Not a good thing to have a professor who also can be derailed with the mention of Coltrane.

I think it will be a good year if the rest of my classes go this smoothly. I just need to reorient myself with the English language. But I also need to go to the French conversation group on Tuesdays. It’s a teeter-totter, my life. Such is the life of a Libra.

Why is it so damn hot?

 

Tomorrow I start my Junior year of college.

Holy Shit.

When did I get this old?

But I really feel like this is the year. The year when I stop taking required classes and finally start carving out the path I hope to take. That sounds fun... Especially when that path has three classes based on Politics. What can I say? I think politics are both disgusting and intriguing. 

That was my thought today while I was in a hot office, elbow-deep in files. I cleaned and organized the office. It looked so good when I was finished that I think it actually shined. It could have also been the glare from my sweaty forehead. Where is the cool, crisp weather we are supposed to have for the start of classes? I bought a new (if slightly expensive) scarf that I would like to wear soon, but this weather is not cooperating. 

After work I walked out into the blazing sun, sweating like a pig, and saw my dear pal Bradley. I was so excited to see him that I ran over and interrupted the conversation he was having (oops.) and gave him the biggest hug. And I will say this about the man. He gives great hugs. Bone-crushing, feel-the-love-hugs. I felt giddy just from seeing him.

He asked me to hang around while he said goodbye to his friend. So I did. Because it's Bradley. And then he asked me to walk him to the bookstore. And I did. Because it's Bradley. We caught up a little, asking the other what they were up to and promised to go and see Irish music at Kell's when I turn 21 (in 3 weeks. When did I get so old?). And although we were together for maybe a total of eight minutes, I left feeling happy. Because it's Bradley.

Tomorrow is the first day of my third year of college. oh boy.

I need to shower and pick out a "first day of school" outfit. I have been in school for 15+ years and I still get nervous on the first day of school. Will the teachers/professors be mean? Will the Freshman eat me? What will I have for lunch? What if they call on me and I don't know the answer?

In all my years of going to school I don't think I will ever actually look forward to the first day.

Real Life

Cher mes amies/Dear friends,

I am back! By back I don’t mean once again in Europe. Unfortunately. I mean I am back to Seattle for my Junior year of College (?!) and back to blogging. I decided that when I got back to the states I was going to give myself a break from blogging and see if I wanted to continue doing it when I returned to Seattle. And this summer when I found myself drinking too much Diet Coke and watching too many stupid shows with my best friends, missing blogging. It is an outlet for my writing, which I haven’t been doing a lot of this past summer to tell you the truth.

It was a weird summer for me, spent sleeping on the couch at my parents house while I looked for an apartment in the city. I also worked construction which was… Interesting? Sure a Diet coke addiction (I jest) and construction is not as interesting as traveling on a camel through the Sahara or watching the Eiffel Tower sparkle, but it is Real Life. And Real Life is not always sparkly towers and Condolas in Venice. Sometimes Real Life knocks you on your ass. Sometime Real Life is an exhausting apartment search then paying too much in Rent because you in the big city. And for a college student sometimes Real Life is papers, and lectures and finals. So welcome my dear friends, welcome to my Real Life.

Here’s a semi-short lowdown on my life thus far:

-          This summer was spent searching for apartments in Seattle with my Roommate. She is a doll. She talks way too much and eats junk food. We are basically twins. She is also a Senior this year so I might be sad in June when I realize that she will be leaving me behind to go and do great things. I might also be happy because then I won’t have to share our tiny bathroom.

-          As for my summer job… this summer my parents needed my help in their small construction business. And me being me signed on without knowing what I was getting myself into. As I was knee deep in Concrete I started to question my sanity. But I got to spend a lot of time with my family. So much family time.

-          Now working a job where you have to get up at 4:45 in the morning and when you get home at 4pm and all you want to do is die, kind of wrecks havoc on a social life. I did get a nice farmers’ tan though.

-          Basically all I did this summer is lay around on my couch-bed and watch TV with my girl Natalie. And if you thought I was kidding about the Diet Coke addiction think again. So I think what I am saying is that I need to whip my ass into shape. No more brownies, cut back on the crack in a can, and get myself to the gym. But I have set some goals for myself and I’ll be damned if I won’t reach it.

This is going to be an interesting year. Stay tuned for ranting, raving, and the semi-boring life of a girl who is about to turn 21. It’ll be good.

Bisous,

JEN

   

Unbelievable.

I can't believe that finals are over.
I can't believe that I have packed everything in two suitcases (and a backpack and purse).
I can't believe that I leave for Morocco in 48 hours.

I can't believe it.

Today this little old lady saw me struggling to carry two bags filled with things for the giveaway, and she was walking in my direction so she offered to help me. Along the way we chatted. She asked me if I was English (a question I get a lot here) and I told her non, je suis americaine. So we chatted about the U.S. and school and stuff. And in the middle of this conversation I started to get that panic-y feeling, like my heart is breaking. I don't want to leave. I love it here so much.

But in less than two weeks I will be getting on that big jet plane in the sky, checking my two suitcases of "necessary" items, heading home to smiling faces that love me. That's always nice.

First, I have to survive Morocco, where average temperatures are 102º. Burn baby, burn. 

Random picture, that I took the day it stormed here. I love that the world became black and white for a while.

A day in Grenoble

1. Sun in Grenoble

2. Sitting in Victor Hugo park

3. & 4. Art exhibit at Musée Grenoble

5. Voting 

6, 7, 8: Classes, which are finally over. Thank the Lord

9: More sun with Despé

Raindrops hitting the window panes.

It is raining over here in sweet little Grenoble. And it is a beautiful kind of rain. The kind that turns the sky a bashful sort of gray, with the temperature just warm enough to leave the window open and stare outside. It is the kind of rain that I never thought I would miss this much. It reminds me of home.

I know that a lot of the time I mention how homesick I can get, and I am sure that is completely normal for anyone that moves away from their familiar. But I just want to remind everyone that I am having a wonderful time. I am so happy and blessed to be here. I know that I will be ready to head home and then probably will want to come straight back, but I am happy right now. I am sure the bubble with burst soon enough but for now I will just smile stupidly at everyone (except that drunk dude I met on the tram. He was one bottle of wine too loud).


The time I have left here is winding down, yet I feel like I still have so much left to do. Especially in the next few days. I leave for Italy (!) on Friday morning but I might not survive tomorrow. I have teaching and classes and packing left to do. But the fact that at 9:30 on Friday morning I will be sitting in a second-class train car with "A Room with a View" on my way to Italy is like my own form of Ritalin.

I have been spending a lot of time thinking about my future. I am building new dreams, since I have fulfilled my dreams of going to Europe, visiting Paris and Dublin, and learning a little French. Now I am focusing on what I want to accomplish in school and in my career, where I plan on being in ten years. And I plan on big things happening for me.

It's a strange feeling being perfectly content with your life.

This is how I would look if I was a teenager in the 80s. I think my had that couch.

My week:

 Spring is here. I am in HEAVEN.

Every Thursday I help teach English to Elementary kids. I love teaching. The kids are so precious with their little accents.

Some graffiti on the desk during my Historie de l'art class.

I went to the new exhibit at the Musée and feel in love with the family portraits. My family had best prepare for taking some cool ones when we get back.

 My french grammar class:

 The Bubbles. They take you up to the Bastille. I haven't been on them yet, but I am itching to go.

 Pretty houses and funny graffiti.

My new favorite spring time activity: Reading and eating Macaroons.


There are some Peguins building a nest in the eves above my window and I am terrified. Terrified. I loath birds.

When it gets hot we open all the windows and doors and Despé likes to lay in half sun/half shade. It makes me smile because Murphy does it too.

I went to a fancy lunch with my host mom and host sister. I ate a delicious salad with Radishes, Jambon cru, Artichoke, squash, and eggplant. It was surprisingly delicious. I only made a small fool  of myself.

Coffee with Candance in Lyon. Lyon, je t'aime. 

Candance. She has cool hair. Our friendship is a hoot.

I feel in love with this fountain, then I discovered that I wasn't the only person in love.

The colors of Lyon are so beautiful.

Unshowered, but happy in my new cardigan and sitting by a fountain in Lyon.

 When the host family leaves, the host student makes herself some eggs for breakfast. Her sweet host family also leaves her orange juice because they know it's her favorite.

All the green makes me really excited about the coming days in Grenoble. Also I have gotten a tiny tan. By tan I mean darker shade of pale. 

Lyon, a second look:

I got the chance to go back to Lyon with my study aboard group, as one of our planned day trips. It was like a dream. So much to see and take in that your head spins and you fill silly-dizzy. I have a major crush on that city.

Of course I took too many photos. I don't regret it one bit.